Well here I go

Im Cazz, Im 33 and have been overweight my whole adult life. I just kept on getting bigger and bigger. I've been through a heck of a lot, especially the last 4 years but Im hoping to change that bad stuff and turn it all into good. Starting with getting rid of all this extra me.

I have been married to my wonderful hubby for almost 11 years now and before we got married we started trying for a baby.
It took us 7 years and 7 months and fertility drugs to get pregnant but we lost the bub pretty early on.

After the miscarriage I spiraled in and out of depression and it certainly did not help with the weight problem.
Since that first miscarriage I have been through many fertility treatment cycles including IVF managing to get pregnant again another 9 times, both on treatment cycles and miraculously on my own a few times as well. But I lost them all. The most recent in November 06.

Obviously The emotional weight gain is as tremendous as the physical weight gain but it seems that my being overweight (or more correctly morbidly obese) might be the last obstical between me carrying a pregnancy to term

It didnt help that with every fertility cycle I would put on 10kgs and then only manage to lose 8 of them giving me an extra 26kgs.

In November 06 after the last miscarriage I decided to lose weight once and for all. I got myself a personal trainer and went on a diet. Then I injured my shoulder and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia(FM) and eventually had to stop with the trainer because the FM had affected my back which gave me crippling sciatic pain, I also had problems with my shoulder and my wrists making weight training etc almost impossible.

Ive been on my meds for about 6 months now and feeling a lot better. In december(2 weeks before christmas I started on a meal replacement program and I purchased an elliptical trainer and a recumbant exercise bike and have lost just over 13kgs.

I still have a long long way to go. Another 48kgs but I am so so determined to lose weight this time. I have never had the mindset that I have now. I have never been more motivated that I am at this point in my life.

My drive to have that full term pregnancy as well as a healthier me is finally such that it is outweighing everything else that has ever held me back.

I've also decided that when I reach my goal weight of 75kgs I want to be a personal trainer. A huge goal for someone as big as myself but I needed something big to go for other than a pregnancy that may or may not happen even if I do lose the weight. I needed something to aim for where the only thing that would let me fail was myself

So here I am, putting myself on the line and bearing all to anyone who may read it.

Hopefully one day I can come back to this first entry and say that I have achieved every goal I have set myself.

I have decided to set myself mini goals for each 5kgs that I lose.
I will be making a list this week some time and blogging this as well.
I will have two goal lists.

Firstly I will set myself something that I have to attempt to achieve at that goal, whether it is reaching an hour on the bike at a certain resistance or making it up the thousand steps without stopping, havent quite figured it all out yet.

Secondly I will set myself a reward for reaching the weight goal and the achievement goal as well.
On every goal ending with a 5 I will have a small reward like a facial or DVD or something similar.
On every goal ending with a zero I will have a bigger reward. My first being 20kgs lost I want to get a new camera.

Will work on the others this week

Cazz